Emptying the Nest, The nest itself

Time has a way of moving both fast and slow. Any day can feel like an eternity or an eye blink depending on any number of factors. The future, for me, almost always feels so far off but then looking back the past seems like everything happened so quickly. Now here I am, pushing ever closer to whatever reckoning awaits.

I'm not writing today to talk about what might come. I work to be in the mode of "Que sera, sera". That is whatever will be, will be. That's not to say don't plan and all that but also I'm in no rush and try to have little worry about what the future might bring. This is more challenging currently, however I leave that to another blog. 

Similar with the past. There's no need to worry or dwell on what might have been or what could have been. Instead the past is strewn with learning opportunities and ways to live more fully. An array of facts that can be leveraged into growth. 

So here I am in the present, feeling at a summit of sorts. The primary focus of my journey over the last 18ish years has been that of trying to get my kids raised into capable adults. This came with certain "rhythms" to life: school, parenting schedules, sports schedules, etc. It was quite the regiment. A regiment that is now in transition. My son has been at college for nearly a year and my daughter is around less as she is busy with work and friends and figuring out her next steps. 

This change in life is resulting in both more "me" time as well as thoughts of what life might have in store for "empty nest" Joe. I am starting to ask the questions of what is important and what can I maybe start letting go of? While this thinking is still a big ball of clay being shaped I do know there are several areas I'm taking larger consideration of.

First on this list is my living situation. This neighborhood and house have done us well over the last 15 years. However, I think I'm ready to let go of a number of things. The first is the yard. I'm just going to say it: yard work, I think it's time we see other people. Some people relish in keeping a tidy picturesque greenspace. I don't ever think I've been one of those. I'd rather be strolling amongst some nature than pushing the mower over my space, whacking weeds and doing what I can in the time allotted while I get a lovely scowl from captain and Mrs. parade of homes next door. It all seems contrived and stupid in this day and age; being some kind of mini-tenant farmer of grass and the occasional inedible plant. Okay, I know I technically own my house, so "tenant" is a misnomer still I think I only really need this plot if I was still growing potatoes and clamping turf. 

Ranting aside the yard, and the rest of the house, need some updating. My yard is more pitted and cratered than a teenager's cheeks making leveling in order. Also, a fair amount of landscaping is due to improve the overall look. Frankly, I got over shoveling and all that years ago. Something about always being asked to shovel and move rocks and woodchips (you requesters know who you are). 

There are some outdoor aspects I enjoy having at the house. Namely, my little garden patches where I try to grow stuff that's actually useful, i.e. fruits and veggies. Still this is one of too many hobbies. The gardening is enjoyable but really need to make use of yield. However you can only eat so many cherry tomatoes before you get really tired of them. I do have a small strawberry patch though and never tire of that, although it probably needs a dig out and replant. It's a good thing I have all that shoveling experience from my youth. To quote William H. Macy in Mystery Men, "I shovel well". Sigh...

Next on the list of things I could do with less of is square footage. Aside from laundry and the occasional drum jam/solo, I spend little time in my basement. Frankly, it's nearly a whole other house beneath me that sees minimal use. My daughter's room is down there, but she's here 50%ish of the time and within 18 months of moving off for college. Not to mention her favorite bed is my main floor couch. 

The temperature regulation "down there" is also dreadful, particularly in the winter. It's a walkout, which is lovely, but again much work would be needed to make for a desirable utilization. I do envision a patio, perhaps three-seasoned in with a hot tub but again this is more to maintain when my ultimate goal is less. 

I also like the idea of using the basement partially as studio space. I have much of my music stuff set up down there already and could move my office/eBay setup out of it's current room; my daughter's original bedroom. She might like it back up here too as the room is very toasty in the winter. I spent much time and energy getting rid of the old paneling and refreshing the space. Temperature, and the 75% completed bathroom, it is a nice space.

I've also considered renting the space and would even set up a kitchenette to make it largely independent from the upstairs. Laundry would still need to be shared and I would need bedroom access to get to the breaker box, but it would be a nice space for someone. Ultimately, I can live with less square footage.

Beyond the lawn and square footage there is a lot of "big" maintenance that is likely needed. As one might joke there are some days I think we need to "lift the roof, replace everything underneath and then replace the roof" (credit my dad for that one). Indeed the roof needs to be replaced in the near future. The woodpeckers also love my house so the exterior could use some upkeep. My windows and doors are largely original and not very efficient. Also, over the years my house has developed a sag/settling. If I wanted to be meticulous I would strip back the subfloor and relevel the joists. I'm not sure I'm willing to go this far however rehanging doors and windows that have been pulled out of square/plumb will likely be necessary. Again, sigh...

Lastly, more minor and turning to the outside again, my deck is in need of a refresh. My thinking at the moment is that it is structurally okay with no joist rotting but the decking and steps are soft and in need of replacement. Fortunately, this is a manageable project that I will tackle this summer. 

I'm sure if I were to sit and ponder long enough there are enough other things with my "nest" that I could change or do without. Ultimately, life is complicated enough as it is and adding more things at this point seem it would only be a source of irritation and frustration. 

I can't help but feel that it's close to time to just sell and find something more in line with what works for life moving forward. Until then, anyone want to help me with a deck, or lawn leveling or pouring a patio or laundry :) .

Do People Even Blog Any More?

Probably but we are, as a people, more distracted with the TikToks and Reels of the world. It's the modern day equivalent of flipping channels. It's mostly a lot of garbage with people stitching in their own reactions to various things. There's still a lot of entertainment value and a little bit of mindless scrolling can serve to unwind our stressed-out selves. A lot of it is "same $h!t, different day". Oh well.

So what role in all this high paced scrolling: doom, learning or otherwise, does blogging have? Honestly, I think it makes a move in a direction that is sorely needed in the frantic pace of post-covid life. For me, the writer, it helps collect my thoughts. It even helps get nagging ones out of my head, leaving me a little less distracted. It slows me down and while I think much of what I write is as meaningless all those tiktok stitches, it helps get me into a form of flow. Flow is a term I discovered in reading "Drive" by Daniel Pink (I highly recommend this read for anyone looking for keys to motivate). 

According to Psychology today flow is "a cognitive state where one is completely immersed in an activity—from painting and writing to prayer and surfboarding. It involves intense focus, creative engagement, and the loss of awareness of time and self".

I guess we could be in flow while surfing TikToks, but that seems like a little bit of a waste (no judgement though). 

In writing I get to explore some of my lines of thinking and really craft what is on my mind. Some of it may come out as an absolute trash stream of consciousness, other times there's actually a little bit of viable insight. Times when I'm blogging regularly I'm more open to any and all that falls onto the keys. What keeps me away is too much stress/drive to have to get things done in the real world, or feeling like this needs to be an exercise in perfection. The former creates enough distracting thoughts that getting into the "flow" really requires effort bordering on mental anguish. In the latter, sometimes I feel like this thing I call a blog needs to be "about" something. True, there are streaks where I talk about things like exercise, diet, etc. This is usually when I'm feeling motivated/energized about such things. However, it's a trap to think that this blog needs to be on a single topic. Then I find myself working too hard to put a story together. Sometimes that's okay, but usually not necessary. 

Another pitfall I run into is worrying about getting reads or tayloring my writing to try to meet peoples' approval. This can keep my writing back as there are a number of topics I ponder writing that may be uncomfortable or find disapproval. I would say that now that I am six paragraphs into this post, this may be my most tragic flaw. Of course I don't mind being a "nice guy" but at times it comes at the expense of me being me. 

It's a tough balance to strike. There's value in a stoic approach to things. Kneejerk reactions and ranting can do a lot of damage to reputations and relationships. It's been well documented, but the echo chambers modern media is creating to build market shares, etc. is a key example of this. It teaches that instead of understanding where others are coming from we should just label those that disagree as the enemy and not worth interaction. This, in my mind could be the downfall of America, splintering by a million ideologies resulting in no commonality. Micro civil wars fought in comment sections and yard signs. 

I'm not arguing that we should all believe the same thing or have the same politics, but we should realize that people have their reasons for what they believe. We should be willing to discuss hard topics and try to understand and empathize, not alienate. This is more nuanced though, as a realist and scientist I do think objective truth is worth defending wherever possible, kindly and firmly. We, as a modern people seem to fail at the kindly part. Unfortunately, it's easier on our psyches to just label someone as an idiot and enemy. Kindness is the hard but necessary part.

Digressing (whew!) so what do you get out of reading this. Well the first hope is you get to know me a little more. Secondly, I'm hoping you get exposure to some new thinking and ideas that may inspire or at least make you think. I've tried, and still occasionally do, attempt to monetize this thing. That isn't so much me hoping to make a killing off of my blogging but is more a statement of my curiosity about how things work. Figuring out how to place ads and configure the page was an interesting exercise. I still drop some Amazon associates links here and there, but only really try to place things that I have found neat or beneficial. Any business that comes from it is just gravy; tasty but not necessary. 

I do have my own 3D printing set up and a small e-Bay store of my wares. There I am trying to actually turn my online presence into something monetary, if only to support the hobby. Please reach out to me directly if you need anything. I'm also happy to get you set up and trained to make :)

The last thing I hope you get is a light distraction from the day to day. Sit on the toilet and take a few moments to see what footballepilogue.com is up to. It won't have quite the variety of stitches as TikTok might, but it may save on your swiping fingers for a moment. 

My Three Travel Essentials

Travel has perked up for me again. I'm currently averaging one trip per month over the last few months and I don't see that slowing down any time soon. The trips are multi-modal, ranging from regional automobile travel to international long-haul flights. 

Along the way I have found that there are a few items that really up the comfort and convenience of my travels. These are beyond the usual collection of various chargers, sunglasses and enough socks and underwear for my trip (plus an extra pair). 

A Breast-pocket shirt

Oh hail ye, keeper of the pocket protector! While the time of fountain pens ending shirts is passed your need is still great! 

This may be a little "old dude" of me but having a breastpocket shirt, at least on the days where I am in transit, is extraordinarily convenient in terms of ease of access to stuff. The two main things I keep in them are my phone and passport. 

For the latter, when traveling internationally, it is good to just have a sound home for my "papers". They get asked for on planes and trains as well as when checking in and out of hotels and whatever conference or work event I'm typically attending. Adding a button to the pocket adds light security, too.

For the former, I really don't like having to "fish" for my phone. This is particularly true on flights. Putting my phone in one of the seat-back pockets feels like I've just dropped it into tartarus. On a bad day that might even result in my forgetting it on the plane. Placing the phone in my pants pocket can result in plain discomfort, weird contorting to get it out and what feels like reduced control (not that I can butt dial someone in "airplane mode").

Thus, the shirt provides a convenient solution. I must also admit that I'm being stubborn in taking the bluetooth headset plunge. My modest corded set helps provide quality sound watching seatback programming on Delta flights compared to the earbuds they hand out.

As for the type I usually prefer something button down with buttons on the pockets. Something along the lines of this outdoors shirt or this or this for the fairer genders. Breathable material and lightweight are important on the road. It's not pleasant to feel stiff and overwarm.

Reusable shopping bag 

This is another easy to carry, but super convenient item. I started toting one of these around due to work taking me to places where one needed to pay for disposable shopping bags. I felt it might be handy to just carry my own bag along and has proven its use several times over.

The first utility is the bag's original intent, for shopping. When I make regular trips for work or am just on the road a lot, eating at restaurants gets tired and expensive. I now try to make a habit of visiting a grocery store when I first get into town to buy lunches and healthy snacks. It's really something that helps me feel healthy over the course of my trips and really can save time, money and mileage. The bag makes this super convenient.

The next utility is on more exotic trips where souvenirs happen the bag again is convenient for shopping, but it also serves another purpose, an additional carry-on bag. My reusable bag has enough volume to handle a menagerie of trinkets, shirts, fine chocolates, etc. from wherever I was visiting. The bag is inexpensive, yet durable and can easily be tossed in the overhead bin on my return flight without too much worry of spillage. Carry straps can be tied shut, otherwise here's an interesting one with an elastic top 

The last use is simply as a laundry bag. On an extended trip it may be necessary to do some washing. Else it is simple to have a bag for laundry that you can simply unpack and throw in the wash when I get home. Again, the reuseable bag fits the need. 

This is truly one of those items that I now feel inconvenienced if I forget to bring one!   

A Raincoat

Lots of people bring umbrellas on trips. I find them clunky a lot more weight than I usually want to carry. They are also rarely used. Instead I prefer to bring a good raincoat. I'm not thinking the old heavy sheet vinyl variety but something lightweight with a hood, something like this. 

Yes, I'll wear this raincoat when it rains. I will also carry it with me on a windy day. It is an ideal windstop and, combined with a flannel or sweatshirt, provides excellent protection from the elements. When not in use, I can quickly shake it out and drape it over my arm or in my backpack shoulder straps.  In light sprinkles it can also cover and protect things I set down or carry and it can also help keep my rear end dry by placing it or using to wipe clear a wet bench or chair. 

I'm sure there are a multitude of other "essentials" one could carry during travel from universal adapters to industrial strength hair dryers. These three seem to have gotten me the most mileage for the least inconvenience to carry and would highly recommend adding them to your packing list!