Emptying the nest, Taking Flight

 

Image by 愚木混株 Cdd20 from Pixabay

I have lived in three states in my adult life. Geographically physical parts of the United States, I’m sure I’ve lived in many more emotional/spiritual states (sometimes more than one at once) but that’s a different story for a different time. Most of my time away from Minnesota was in my mid-to-late 20’s; Northern California for graduate school and Maryland/DC for my postdoc. After 7.5 years away, and having had two kids, an opportunity to move home presented itself and we took it.

Now, 16 years after moving back to the land of 10 kilo-lakes (order of magnitude estimate), the wanderlust is re-emerging. I’m finding myself tied to my exact location less and less and am becoming more curious about living in the greater world. While tourist-type travel may satiate some of that, I’ve grown fond of the idea of spending extended time elsewhere. By that, I’m thinking of the order of three to six months; something on the order of a sabbatical.

This would be enough time for the newness of a place to wear off and experience day-to-day life. At the same time, I don’t think I’d be interested if it was essentially all “on holiday”. The master plan would be to find some manner of collaboration, probably in my native field of magnetics, and partake in a research project.  I do have a couple in mind and want to start reaching out to colleagues for opportunities.

This may also involve taking some sort of leave or going by the self-agreement that it would be part of a career pivot. Who knows where it might pivot to, who knows? I do like the idea of transitioning into more of a teaching/professorial role. Or maybe it could be coordinated as just an extended leave from my current place. Or maybe it marks the start of something entirely new, e.g. starting a business or a mix of things. I do tend to like having too many things on my proverbial plate. The trouble with work is you need to be able to really focus to be good at it. Diving into split roles may detract from being able to do my best and, in the worst case, result in no longer being gainfully employed.

The question is “Where to?”. My first thoughts are of western Europe. I have enjoyed my trips there, particularly to Spain. Bavaria and Austria have also warmed on me recently as I’ve had cause to visit for work. There are also many beautiful cities and quality research going on in eastern Europe. For right now though the main point of interest would be Spain. Still as I’d like to align the move with some research opportunity, I would be doing myself a disservice to not keep an open mind.

Asia might be another option. My only venture there was for a conference in Taiwan. Admittedly, the mix of jet lag, lack of readily available ice water and not always knowing what I was ordering made it a challenge. This makes it interesting as there is some enticement to the challenge of moving about a non-Westernized society. It would certainly be a mind-opening experience.

As one Mark Twain once wrote, “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.”

I need this, we need this. Get out and explore. Learn about how others live, love, eat and learn. In past experiences I have only concluded that we are alike in a lot of ways and our differences are fascinating but not so far removed that we can’t understand other perspectives.

It is in stogy sedentarianism that we lose the ability to empathize and truly connect. We are now in a, hopefully short-lived, era where not believing in the best in others is winning. Our “social” media is isolating us in bubbles where even the events covered in “the news” don’t overlap. We rely on spin and pundits, whose ultimate goal is to capture you as a market. They want to keep you clicking and swiping. Making pennies here and there every time you inadvertently click on an ad or anxiety and persistence pull you into making another buy. Decentralized narratives, devoid of fact and empathy, have become our beliefs and our faith.

Anything different or anyone who disagrees is an imminent threat. We venture out less and less. We don’t strike up conversations, we sit at the coffee shop, at the bar, at the bookstore, in our cars and at home staring at a screen looking for answers. While these “answers” feel good or scary or some form of non-centered emotion they are designed for one purpose: click, click, click and don’t ever ask, “is it really true?” And so, we are overwhelmed.

I certainly did not mean for these last couple of paragraphs, but they did just fall out of what I am really meaning to write about: reconnecting with the world in a meaningful way. Thus, in this desire to travel and experience life elsewhere is the desire to re-connect as I am now able to leave the nest.

If I find myself able to and really enjoy the adventure, I may seek to do it again and again. The hardest part may just be those first steps. Hopefully, beyond that it becomes natural to set the social media down and become social.

“It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.”  - -Some old book about rings and Hobbits and meeting people in faraway lands.

Emptying the Nest, The nest itself

Time has a way of moving both fast and slow. Any day can feel like an eternity or an eye blink depending on any number of factors. The future, for me, almost always feels so far off but then looking back the past seems like everything happened so quickly. Now here I am, pushing ever closer to whatever reckoning awaits.

I'm not writing today to talk about what might come. I work to be in the mode of "Que sera, sera". That is whatever will be, will be. That's not to say don't plan and all that but also I'm in no rush and try to have little worry about what the future might bring. This is more challenging currently, however I leave that to another blog. 

Similar with the past. There's no need to worry or dwell on what might have been or what could have been. Instead the past is strewn with learning opportunities and ways to live more fully. An array of facts that can be leveraged into growth. 

So here I am in the present, feeling at a summit of sorts. The primary focus of my journey over the last 18ish years has been that of trying to get my kids raised into capable adults. This came with certain "rhythms" to life: school, parenting schedules, sports schedules, etc. It was quite the regiment. A regiment that is now in transition. My son has been at college for nearly a year and my daughter is around less as she is busy with work and friends and figuring out her next steps. 

This change in life is resulting in both more "me" time as well as thoughts of what life might have in store for "empty nest" Joe. I am starting to ask the questions of what is important and what can I maybe start letting go of? While this thinking is still a big ball of clay being shaped I do know there are several areas I'm taking larger consideration of.

First on this list is my living situation. This neighborhood and house have done us well over the last 15 years. However, I think I'm ready to let go of a number of things. The first is the yard. I'm just going to say it: yard work, I think it's time we see other people. Some people relish in keeping a tidy picturesque greenspace. I don't ever think I've been one of those. I'd rather be strolling amongst some nature than pushing the mower over my space, whacking weeds and doing what I can in the time allotted while I get a lovely scowl from captain and Mrs. parade of homes next door. It all seems contrived and stupid in this day and age; being some kind of mini-tenant farmer of grass and the occasional inedible plant. Okay, I know I technically own my house, so "tenant" is a misnomer still I think I only really need this plot if I was still growing potatoes and clamping turf. 

Ranting aside the yard, and the rest of the house, need some updating. My yard is more pitted and cratered than a teenager's cheeks making leveling in order. Also, a fair amount of landscaping is due to improve the overall look. Frankly, I got over shoveling and all that years ago. Something about always being asked to shovel and move rocks and woodchips (you requesters know who you are). 

There are some outdoor aspects I enjoy having at the house. Namely, my little garden patches where I try to grow stuff that's actually useful, i.e. fruits and veggies. Still this is one of too many hobbies. The gardening is enjoyable but really need to make use of yield. However you can only eat so many cherry tomatoes before you get really tired of them. I do have a small strawberry patch though and never tire of that, although it probably needs a dig out and replant. It's a good thing I have all that shoveling experience from my youth. To quote William H. Macy in Mystery Men, "I shovel well". Sigh...

Next on the list of things I could do with less of is square footage. Aside from laundry and the occasional drum jam/solo, I spend little time in my basement. Frankly, it's nearly a whole other house beneath me that sees minimal use. My daughter's room is down there, but she's here 50%ish of the time and within 18 months of moving off for college. Not to mention her favorite bed is my main floor couch. 

The temperature regulation "down there" is also dreadful, particularly in the winter. It's a walkout, which is lovely, but again much work would be needed to make for a desirable utilization. I do envision a patio, perhaps three-seasoned in with a hot tub but again this is more to maintain when my ultimate goal is less. 

I also like the idea of using the basement partially as studio space. I have much of my music stuff set up down there already and could move my office/eBay setup out of it's current room; my daughter's original bedroom. She might like it back up here too as the room is very toasty in the winter. I spent much time and energy getting rid of the old paneling and refreshing the space. Temperature, and the 75% completed bathroom, it is a nice space.

I've also considered renting the space and would even set up a kitchenette to make it largely independent from the upstairs. Laundry would still need to be shared and I would need bedroom access to get to the breaker box, but it would be a nice space for someone. Ultimately, I can live with less square footage.

Beyond the lawn and square footage there is a lot of "big" maintenance that is likely needed. As one might joke there are some days I think we need to "lift the roof, replace everything underneath and then replace the roof" (credit my dad for that one). Indeed the roof needs to be replaced in the near future. The woodpeckers also love my house so the exterior could use some upkeep. My windows and doors are largely original and not very efficient. Also, over the years my house has developed a sag/settling. If I wanted to be meticulous I would strip back the subfloor and relevel the joists. I'm not sure I'm willing to go this far however rehanging doors and windows that have been pulled out of square/plumb will likely be necessary. Again, sigh...

Lastly, more minor and turning to the outside again, my deck is in need of a refresh. My thinking at the moment is that it is structurally okay with no joist rotting but the decking and steps are soft and in need of replacement. Fortunately, this is a manageable project that I will tackle this summer. 

I'm sure if I were to sit and ponder long enough there are enough other things with my "nest" that I could change or do without. Ultimately, life is complicated enough as it is and adding more things at this point seem it would only be a source of irritation and frustration. 

I can't help but feel that it's close to time to just sell and find something more in line with what works for life moving forward. Until then, anyone want to help me with a deck, or lawn leveling or pouring a patio or laundry :) .

Do People Even Blog Any More?

Probably but we are, as a people, more distracted with the TikToks and Reels of the world. It's the modern day equivalent of flipping channels. It's mostly a lot of garbage with people stitching in their own reactions to various things. There's still a lot of entertainment value and a little bit of mindless scrolling can serve to unwind our stressed-out selves. A lot of it is "same $h!t, different day". Oh well.

So what role in all this high paced scrolling: doom, learning or otherwise, does blogging have? Honestly, I think it makes a move in a direction that is sorely needed in the frantic pace of post-covid life. For me, the writer, it helps collect my thoughts. It even helps get nagging ones out of my head, leaving me a little less distracted. It slows me down and while I think much of what I write is as meaningless all those tiktok stitches, it helps get me into a form of flow. Flow is a term I discovered in reading "Drive" by Daniel Pink (I highly recommend this read for anyone looking for keys to motivate). 

According to Psychology today flow is "a cognitive state where one is completely immersed in an activity—from painting and writing to prayer and surfboarding. It involves intense focus, creative engagement, and the loss of awareness of time and self".

I guess we could be in flow while surfing TikToks, but that seems like a little bit of a waste (no judgement though). 

In writing I get to explore some of my lines of thinking and really craft what is on my mind. Some of it may come out as an absolute trash stream of consciousness, other times there's actually a little bit of viable insight. Times when I'm blogging regularly I'm more open to any and all that falls onto the keys. What keeps me away is too much stress/drive to have to get things done in the real world, or feeling like this needs to be an exercise in perfection. The former creates enough distracting thoughts that getting into the "flow" really requires effort bordering on mental anguish. In the latter, sometimes I feel like this thing I call a blog needs to be "about" something. True, there are streaks where I talk about things like exercise, diet, etc. This is usually when I'm feeling motivated/energized about such things. However, it's a trap to think that this blog needs to be on a single topic. Then I find myself working too hard to put a story together. Sometimes that's okay, but usually not necessary. 

Another pitfall I run into is worrying about getting reads or tayloring my writing to try to meet peoples' approval. This can keep my writing back as there are a number of topics I ponder writing that may be uncomfortable or find disapproval. I would say that now that I am six paragraphs into this post, this may be my most tragic flaw. Of course I don't mind being a "nice guy" but at times it comes at the expense of me being me. 

It's a tough balance to strike. There's value in a stoic approach to things. Kneejerk reactions and ranting can do a lot of damage to reputations and relationships. It's been well documented, but the echo chambers modern media is creating to build market shares, etc. is a key example of this. It teaches that instead of understanding where others are coming from we should just label those that disagree as the enemy and not worth interaction. This, in my mind could be the downfall of America, splintering by a million ideologies resulting in no commonality. Micro civil wars fought in comment sections and yard signs. 

I'm not arguing that we should all believe the same thing or have the same politics, but we should realize that people have their reasons for what they believe. We should be willing to discuss hard topics and try to understand and empathize, not alienate. This is more nuanced though, as a realist and scientist I do think objective truth is worth defending wherever possible, kindly and firmly. We, as a modern people seem to fail at the kindly part. Unfortunately, it's easier on our psyches to just label someone as an idiot and enemy. Kindness is the hard but necessary part.

Digressing (whew!) so what do you get out of reading this. Well the first hope is you get to know me a little more. Secondly, I'm hoping you get exposure to some new thinking and ideas that may inspire or at least make you think. I've tried, and still occasionally do, attempt to monetize this thing. That isn't so much me hoping to make a killing off of my blogging but is more a statement of my curiosity about how things work. Figuring out how to place ads and configure the page was an interesting exercise. I still drop some Amazon associates links here and there, but only really try to place things that I have found neat or beneficial. Any business that comes from it is just gravy; tasty but not necessary. 

I do have my own 3D printing set up and a small e-Bay store of my wares. There I am trying to actually turn my online presence into something monetary, if only to support the hobby. Please reach out to me directly if you need anything. I'm also happy to get you set up and trained to make :)

The last thing I hope you get is a light distraction from the day to day. Sit on the toilet and take a few moments to see what footballepilogue.com is up to. It won't have quite the variety of stitches as TikTok might, but it may save on your swiping fingers for a moment.